Sunday, June 19, 2011



[dan-dee] noun, plural -dies, adjective, -di·er, -di·est
Informal . something or someone of exceptional or first-rate quality: Your reply was a dandy.
First-rate?  Thanks for the explanation
Lions, the four legged variety, are majestic and cool animals.  They are also known for their brute strength and their bites.  They truly are the king of beasts.
Dandelions are the worst if you want to get rid of them.  Spray 'em, pick 'em, they come back every year.  They sit on your lawn, like they are giving you the finger every time you look at them and say, "Yeah, I'm back.  There's nothing you can do about it."

So what happened when scientists went too far, like in Jurassic Park, and combined the DNA of Taraxacum officinale with Panthera Leo?


Cross-eyed jerk...

Definitely, as the description implies, they're first rate.  FIRST RATE A-HOLES! Yeah these little buggers are tougher than snot to kill.  They will bite and like crickets at night, they never shut up.  I have to wear earplugs when I'm mowing my lawn, because they shout insults.  Just this morning I was trying to sleep, and outside the Dandylions were at it again, arguing about something pointless.  This was the gist of our conversation.
I had just rolled out of bed and I heard them shouting at each other.
"You keep playin' with grass, I told ya it's bad fer ya."
"You can't tell me what to do, dad."

I opened my window and yelled at them.

"Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!"

"Oi!  Lookit, it's the wee man," the male said.

"Mine yer own business," the cub said.
"C'mere man!  Lemme see yer toes," a Dandylioness said.  "I got sumfin' fer ya."
"Ya got some weed-b-gon?" 

"Oh ya!" the male said. "Come try it again on us."

I rubbed my eyes so I could see clearer.

"Just be quiet fellas, alright?  I'm trying to get some shuteye."

"Oh, sorry," the male said, but he had a smirk on his face, "Shh...everyone shad up!"

Just as I was about to close the window, the Dandylions obviously wanted to make me angry, because they all started roaring as loudly as they could.




So what did I do next?  I got out the earplugs.
Click to expand for more details...

This picture is of the jerks living nearby.  The cub at the top right, lighter than the others, he gets scolded quite a bit.  Apparently he has been eating lots of grass, and well, it's not very good for Dandylions, they are meat-eaters.  The Dandylioness' usually aren't as pleased about the bickering.

Flamethrowers are effective.  Fresh out?  Yeah, me too.  Get some flammable spray and a match and your set.  You could try weed-b-gon or some other equivalent, but weed killers only kill weeds, and these are something more than just a weed.  They are genetically enhanced anima-weeds.  
The government started creating these things as a form of psychological warfare, intended to annoy the enemy to death.  But unfortunately they were even more resilient than the government realized, and they lost control of them.  Now they're everywhere.  They usually hide within the ranks of regular dandelions because they blend really well.  

They are carnivorous plants, and they lie in wait.  When I mow my lawn I always wear high socks up to my knees.  If I am wearing some shorts I get some strange looks, but hey, its better than losing a chunk of my leg.  I remember the times when I used to be able to lay on the lawn comfortably and point out different clouds to my friends or family, good luck doing that now.  Too dangerous.

Maybe I should ditch the grass and just get some rocks.

No comments:

Post a Comment